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Suddenly came up with this question : How long should a man have to wait to marry again after the death of his wife?

I asked couple friends of mine, all men, about this, and they answered almost the same answer : around 3 years.

Except for the insecure one.. Looking for a new woman to replace his wife's place as soon as possible. 

He simply couldn't be able to live alone, or afraid of being alone, and then feeling lonely in spite of any reasons, which is in my opinion just means one word : weak.

I know a man like that. His wive just passed away six months later. Within two months after his wife's death, he's already looking for a new woman. He has some reasons for it, he said : because he's so shocked of his wife's sudden death, and he is a father of 3 children (16, 13 and 8 years old) so he needs someone to talk to, and to share the experience of suddenly being single parents.

Another reasons which is fortunately he didn't tell bluntly to me is : he's looking for someone for being a mother for his children because his children are need a mother figure..

I couldn't say that's nonsense, but I do couldn't believe on this second reason.

Do they really need a mother figure just after 2 months of their mother's death? If I were them, I would still be longing for MY mother, and no need someone else to replace her place. Her place is eternal.. it will be there for at least until next couple years, as MY mother, as MY father's wife. Of course everybody need a parent figure. But I believe everybody also need grieving moment. Could it be an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, couple years.. it will be different for each person. But still, when it comes to death, I am considering for years.

Another man I know of, looked for a new girlfriend just 6 months after the deceased of his wife and his 5 years old son. He succeeded in finding one, a woman with a son, but he refused to now more about her son. This woman said, because it hurts him still, reminds him of his own son. 

What the ... ????

So he wants her, but not her son (yet). He could be able to dismissed the memory of his wife and replace her place with this new woman, but when it comes to his son.. big NO.

Is it merely about sex? or afraid of being alone? 

How can this man being so egoistic? wants something only for himself. Because he couldn't be alone, he needs a partner. But because he doesn't want to replace his son's place with a new son, he doesn't accept the partner's son.

If I were his partner, I don't want to be with him. I and my son is ONE package. Accept me and my son at the same moment. Not me first and later my son. Luckily, I'm not his partner.

Another friend of mine has different story. She has to accept that her husband is a jerk bastard f***ing guy who choose another woman instead of being a good husband and a good father for his family. They went to divorce. During this hard divorce moment, my best friend meet another friend of us who also facing the same problem. His wife left him for another man, years already, without him knowing it, even he now became suspicious whether he is the father of his youngest child.. My best friend and my friend became close each other by having lots of sharing and discussion about this painfully shit moment. Together they're build their strong and tried to reach their happy life back at foot. Finally now they're free from their bastard partner, but it doesn't mean that they're then become a couple right away, and married as soon as possible. They still have lots of things to think and to consider, not counting the trauma, you can say, puts an extra carefull decisions so that that shit moment won't ever happen again.. The wedding seems still far away to come true..

I myself being alone for more than 10 years now. I definitely realize that my son needs a father figure, but.. is that a primary need of him? I and my son don't think so. He could get the father figure from my brother, from his male teachers, from my tenants. And simply because he doesn't want somebody replacing his father place, yet. So I'm very easy in trying to look for a new partner in life.

When I finally found Rob, it's already 7 years from the years I became a widowed. He also waited for 3 years after his divorce before finally decided to look for a new partner and found me. He needs this 3 years as a grieving periode, and to coup on his trauma from his hard divorce. My son also feel comfortable around him, so I keep moving with this new relationship. And those 7 years are long enough to transform me into a tough woman, and more realistic when it comes to build a new romance. For me, marriage is not important anymore. The most important thing is, having a friend to talk to and to share your good and bad moments. Encouraging and supporting each other. And it doesn't have to be living together in one house.

Thinking about those weak men, I consider Rob as a tough man. He is a mother and a father for his two little children, for 7 years already since his divorce. I consider myself as a tough woman. But also because I received lots of helps from people around me, my family, my friends. They're love me. I never feel alone.